it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
