All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You ruined the universe
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
