i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
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