I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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