What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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