Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
