You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
