careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltđ
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If youâre wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing âthis is going right up my assâ. LOUDLY
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