Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
