Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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