he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
