yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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