I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
