Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
