somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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