my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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