Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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