took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
