I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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