i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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