1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
barbara walters just said penis...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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