Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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