don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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