Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
