So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize