There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize