Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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