and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize