either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
