Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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