i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
