I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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