Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
