took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
