if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize