I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
