Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
