I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Farmville is her only friend.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
