Will you blow on my dice?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
