Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
