they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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