Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize