dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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