yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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