I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
