I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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