Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
