But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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