think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
