Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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