I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If its not for food we ain't going out.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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