Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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