if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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