You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You've changed since you got that strap on
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
