so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
