the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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