don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
