If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
is wine microwaveable?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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