I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
