Farmville is her only friend.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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