can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Hippo gnu deer
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
