did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize