When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
