I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
