ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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