This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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